Daedalian Adventures

The road ahead is rarely straight...

By Lynelle Barrett

Communication device or weapon of mass seduction?

e-Casanovas

Mobile phones are great. Text messages are really convenient and fit our modern lifestyle. The internet is fantastic. Websites allow us to express ourselves, keep in touch with friends and share photos. But every new technology evolves to reflect the society in which it is used. Over the last few months, I have had some experiences fighting off unwanted romance. So, you say, what’s new? Well, the new hitch is that this is all hitting me (or, I should say, hitting on me) electronically. The worst part is that I am really bad at this. I have managed, through my own fumbling and naiveté, to be mean to a nice guy and encourage a potentially creepy one.

It started with Aban (names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent). Aban was a nice Pakistani guy, an engineering graduate student working at a fried chicken place down the street. While he fried up my order, he told me all about his values on marriage and family. It felt like he was auditioning to be my husband. I smiled and nodded, then thanked him for the extra chicken strips he put in my take-out dinner.

I bumped in to the “Chicken Man” now and then, when I decided to have chicken for dinner. One day, he told me that he was teaching at the university. Now we were both teachers. He suggested that we exchange phone numbers and keep in touch. I didn’t have any contacts at the university, so it sounded like a good idea. Well, it wasn’t such a good idea. About a week later, I received this text message:

“Arrow cuts wings and speard her blood After this Rose turns red and fall in love

But sparrow was deid LOVE STARTS AT end. Aban”

Oh my. I typed out a message to a friend that the Chicken Man had sent me a love poem. As soon as I hit Send, I realized I had sent it as a Reply instead! Aaargh! I felt like a heel! Then I received this message from him:

“Yes. One day my eyes were weeping Heart ask 2my eyes why r u crying?

Eyes replied we r missing some one but cant find anywhere Heart said don’t cry he is inside me.”

Poor guy. At least I got a second chance to turn him down gently.

The next contestant contacted me through my website. I get invitations to be “friends” from people all over the world who have MSN Spaces. One of my MSN “friends” was planning to be in Holland. He said he really enjoyed my writing and suggested we meet for a drink. I was skeptical about meeting up with someone from the internet, but I decided to take a chance that it was just for pleasant conversation and not a date. He called when he arrived in Leiden. When I made it clear that it would be a platonic evening, I never heard from him again. I guess I should have known better.

The latest Lothario was a bit more mysterious. One night while watching TV at home, I received this text message on my mobile:

“Hey ik ben Ricardo wat ga je vanavond doen?”

(Hey I am Ricardo what are doing tonight?)

A few minutes later, I received this one:

“Weet je wie ik ben? Die met pet en bomber waar je vaak naar kijk”

(Do you know who I am? The one with the cap and bomber jacket who you often look at.)

Then:

“Je mag wel terug sms of heb je geen btg?”

(Are you going to sms me back or are you out of credit?)

At this point I sent him a message that he must have the wrong number. I thought that would take care of it. But I was wrong. I received this message:

“Wat is je naam dan?”

(What is your name then?)

Then he switched to English:

“I need you to my life only you can gif me love!?”

I hope not, because he’ll have to wait a very long time for love from me. For the next week or so I couldn’t help keeping an eye out for a man in a cap and bomber jacket, even though it was unlikely that he knew me. I suppose the lesson I have learned is not to reply to messages from men I don’t really know. However, technology keeps evolving and changing. I’m sure there will be new and improved ways for strangers to worm their way into our lives. I am curious what’s coming next.

Barrett lives in The Netherlands, where insurance for sex industry businesses are called Relax Policies. Check out photos of her adventures on her website at: http://lynelleinholland.spaces.live.com